Shhhhhhh, I'm on my period

You’ve had it happen before. Probably more times than you can count, actually. The nervous girl whispering, “Do you have an extra tampon?” The exchange of glances spread like wildfire among all the women as the desperate search for a tampon ensues. The best part about this oft repeated scenario is the secrecy of it all. There seems to be this unspoken rule that men and menstruation are kept completely separate. Even if males become aware of a “tampon search,” they pretend to have no idea what is going on.

Worse yet, you live with a handful of girls and never think twice about your bathroom trashcan being littered with applicators and pads. Then a male friend is over and asks to use your bathroom. You point him down the hall. As soon as the door shuts, you realize with horror the messy evidence of “that time of the month.” But it’s too late; he’s in there with all of it. But why worry? I mean, he comes out and while he might look mildly shocked, he will pretend it was the most normal bathroom experience of his life. 

Then there are the cramps. You’re out on a date and squirming in your seat, trying in vain to find a position that will alleviate the pain. He asks if everything is okay. Seriously? Okay? Your uterus is gallivanting through a minefield, ten dozen knives are ripping apart your abdomen, but how do you tell him that? “I’m fine, it’s just a headache” you reply. Men, let me spill a little secret to you. If a girl tells you she has a migraine or any form of a headache, there is a 90% chance she is actually on the verge of literally being split in two by cramps. And never underestimate the evil nature of the nasty beasts. For every woman, it’s different. But most girls I know experience debilitating pain in their legs, “stomachs”, and backs, with tenderness also in their arms and chests. And that’s just the cramps themselves. Then there is the bloating, the acne, the mood swings, the cravings, the list goes on and on and on.

Menstruation. Period. That time of the month. Whatever you call it, there it is, once a month (hopefully not more!), and it’s the worst. If you happen to be one of the few and far between who has relatively painless cramps and gets her period closer to every 1.5 months, you know by now to keep this to yourself while the rest of us skip school and work because we can’t get out of bed.

If half of the world’s population suffers from this phenomenon, why the hush hush nature of the subject? Why do we whisper to find tampons, make up fake ailments when asking for painkillers, or feign a migraine when unable to go out? Why is the topic of periods one of the few that is taboo in mixed company?

While a lot of our posts on this blog are written with the goal of carrying a more scholarly note, I’ve intentionally chosen to deviate from that path on this particular topic. Yes, I have dozens of articles that reference the history of menstruation in societies over time and it is fascinating to study different factors that affect societal views of menstruation: marriage practices, patrilocal v. matrilocal groups, patrilineal v. matrilineal traditions, etc. But I want to save all of that information for a later post. Right now I want to know about our society today.

Periods are not “dirty” or “disgusting”. They’re a natural part of life, and without them life wouldn’t exist. There’s no shame in being on your period, it just happens and it happens to almost 50% of humans. So why are we raised to keep our periods only between females? I tell my Dad whenever I have a sore throat. My brother asks if I’m feeling better after recovering from the flu. My professor lets me leave class to get a drink of water when I’m caught in a fit of coughing. Periods are the most regular function of our bodies and yet the least talked about.

The argument has been made that patriarchy is to blame for the taboo of periods. While I agree that this is partially true, I would argue that there are many additional factors, patriarchy is not solely to blame. With that said, I still invite you to imagine a world where the roles were reversed. Gloria Steinem’s incredible article, If Men Could Menstruate (http://www.haverford.edu/psych/ddavis/p109g/steinem.menstruate.html) sums it up perfectly. I am begging you to read it. If men could menstruate, the entire notion and culture of periods would change. As Steinem points out, “men would brag about how much and how long.” Tampons and pads would be federally funded, men would be excused from work every month, and it would be cool to be “on the rag” or a “three-pad man.” I’m not suggesting a cultural revolution in which women turn the tables and become the superior sex because we have what men never will. But I am encouraging a societal shift in the way we view periods.

Why do we refuse to talk about our periods with men? What’s wrong with telling your boyfriend that you don’t want to go out to dinner because your uterus is going to explode? Why not warn your male colleagues that you might be a little snippy over the next couple of days?

And men, we’ve heard all the jokes. “What a B! Must be her time of the month if you know what I mean….” or “Are you serious? This is not a big deal. Why are you being so dramatic? Stop PMSing already.” Just because a woman is a “B” does not mean she’s on her period. And just because a woman is on her period, does not mean she’s a “B”.

When our daughters get their periods for the first time, celebrate it! They’re entering womanhood and that should be a joyous occasion, not shameful. We brag about our boys when they finally get hair under their arms or shave their faces for the first time. But at the slightest sign of breast formation, we quietly take our girls to get training bras. When we buy the first box of tampons or pads for our daughters, we leave the boys at home for that shopping trip and buy enough groceries to make sure the feminine hygiene items go unnoticed. Enough is enough; let’s reverse the negativity of periods and start by at least talking about them.

What are your thoughts on menstruation? Do you talk about your period in male company? What was it like when you got your period for the first time? What are you going to do to change the taboo of periods?